I was sitting on concrete curb and felt someone sit by me. It was Him. His presence is soothing… I always feel at ease around Him.
“Cheryl, let me show you something about brokenness.”
He and I turned to see a painter with a blank canvas. We watched as a flowers and luscious greenery emerged from the once white empty space. It was mesmerizing, quick, effortless. The painter completed his work and it was breathtaking. A wave of contentment washed over me. Before I could say something to Him, gloppy black paint splattered onto the new painting from out of nowhere. My mouth hung open as I realized the result of the black paint- the picture was ruined. He and I sat in silence as I tried to find words to express my disappointment. My mind raced to understand why He had shown me this.
“This is what happens when shattered people continue to walk in broken patterns without healing little one: even the beautiful things I want to give them will be tainted. This isn’t fullness. There is more.”
Choosing to walk in brokenness and refuse God’s invitation to healing is choosing less. It is walking around the mountain instead of climbing it to find fullness on the other side. Oftentimes I try to get around the deeper things happening in my heart in order to avoid the pain there… but pain demands to be felt and brokenness will manifest in ugly ways when it’s not taken to the Lord. Bitterness, anger, not forgiving others, are all reactions to wounds we’ve received from others. These things taint life and hurt our relationship with God and others. Even mistrust and cynicism stem from hopes that have been deferred over and over again. This is the black paint of our lives: when we don’t go to Jesus with our pain.
These are the things that can detract from being thankful, having hope, and experiencing joy in the Lord. We miss the beauty of God’s goodness all around us when we are suffocated by unaddressed issues in our heart.
This dream was an invitation to bring a broken heart to the Lord and allow Him to speak to places of hurt. It’s an invitation to let Him and other believers into places of shame, resentment, guilt, condemnation, and more and allow oneself to be seen in need of help. The right people won’t condemn you; they will speak the Truth over you and pray for your heart to be restored.
At the end of the day, this can be a difficult, time consuming process. It’s no easy thing to bare your heart before God and His people, but I’m devoted to doing just that.
I don’t want to go through life and not experience the fullness Jesus died for
I don’t want to miss the beauty of who He is